March 20 2010
I sit alone in my hotel room in cold and snowy Rimouski contemplating. I am wondering what to make of all this and what I am doing with my tennis and my life. Last week and the losses are behind me but today brought on a whole new wave of emotions. I lost 6-2 6-1 to a guy ranked in the 700s and I didn’t play badly. I did some good things, a lot of great things, but also some bad things like too many double faults caused by lots of uncertainty in my service technique as of late. I am confused as to how I can get aced 3 times in a row on two separate occasions being break point up. That seems like something Pete Sampras was capable of at his best, not a guy ranked 700 in the world.
I am going at this alone; no coach, no trainer, no companion. I know it is impossible but yet I keep going, spending every dollar I have earned to survive another day and enter another tournament knowing I wont be as good as I can be. I guess I just hope for a future where I will find a way to have a coach and have someone to grow the potential I feel have. I am 24, almost 25 and in the 3 years pro since college , I have been doing this, I haven’t yet gotten what I needed and I am guessing I never will.
I don¹t want to sound negative but I am working hard for minus pay and shattered dreams when I know that there is more out there for me. Maybe I wouldn’t be number 1 or number 100 even, but I know I am better than this. However, for right now, I am no better until something changes. I cant swing punches with hands I don’t have.
I am waiting anxiously now to see if I will get in the doubles here in Rimouski. I think we will but you can never be sure who will sign up. I will know by tomorrow at around noon which will mean one of two things will happen. If I do get in, my hotel room tonight and for the remainder of my tournament will be paid for plus I will have a great opportunity to make doubles points and prize money. Or, I will be frantically trying to get a flight for Monday out of Montreal after an overnight bus from Rimouski which will take 7 hours.
I spent this month basically travelling on busses, planes and cars. I hope I wont ever put myself through the amount of hours I have sat on my ass waiting to get somewhere. From Melbourne to Indian Wells to San Diego, up and down California and then around Canada. It took it’s toll but more than anything it just adds to a growing problem. It’s not like there was a better way to do what I am doing in my current situation but I just think I try to do too much with far too little and that just doesn’t work 99% of the time. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.
Topics: 10sballs, Atp World Tour, Men's tennis, Sports, Tennis, Tennis10sBalls