ROGER FEDERER WINS 2018 AUSSIE OPEN • 20TH SLAM • HAS NO PLANS TO RETIRE • HE FORGOT TO TELL FANS “I’LL BE BACK”

Written by: Staff on 28th January 2018

Men's singles grand slam winner Roger Federer visits Government House in Melbourne

ROGER FEDERER WINS 2018 AUSSIE OPEN • 20TH SLAM • HAS NO PLANS TO RETIRE • HE FORGOT TO TELL FANS "I'LL BE BACK"

epa06482950 Roger Federer of Switzerland kisses the Australian Open Trophy, also known as the Norman Brookes Challenge Cup, at government House in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, 29 January 2018. Federer has become the first man to claim 20 grand slam singles titles after winning the Australian Open final for a record-equalling sixth time. EPA-EFE/DAVID CROSLING AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND OUT |

Roger Federer of Switzerland kisses the Australian Open Trophy, also known as the Norman Brookes Challenge Cup, at government House in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, 29 January 2018. Federer has become the first man to claim 20 grand slam singles titles after winning the Australian Open final for a record-equalling sixth time. EPA-EFE/DAVID CROSLING

Editors Note:

Please enjoy a silly story By Craig Cignarelli who basically wants to make us smile. But I’m pretty certain he thinks he has used every superlative to expound on Roger Federer already. But. Craig is known to make words so maybe that’s the next story. Craig make us some words. Best I ever can do is peRFect.

Basically tennis media is ready to put a player. A cow. A goat out to pasture at 25. So the journalist are lost… Wasn’t Gonzales still going strong at 45? (PB)

•Warning Fake News begins •

•••• Fake News Warning ••••

While Wilford Brimley and Don Ameche (Cocoon movie-reference for those not in the know) look down in reverence, Roger Federer has fashioned 20 major titles in the open era. 20! The consummate ambassador and pre-eminent talent of our sport, Fed took out Marin Cilic in a five-set see-saw contest which left both players in tears.

The real sadness, though, comes from the news that followed the Australian Open ceremony. Although it has not yet been announced, Roger Federer is retiring from tennis. The details are vague and the investigation continues, but for now, here are the reports:

After lifting the Norman Brookes Challenge Cup, Federer complained of a shoulder spasm developed from years of lifting metal objects above his head. Coach Severin Luthi spent the afternoon slapping himself for neglecting a training regimen to counter the effects of such overuse. “I really thought I’d prepared him for everything,” said Luthi.”With all of his wins, we expected a little tendonitis, but to have a complete spasm, well, I’ll have to periodize his trophy acceptances if we can get him back onto the court.” Coach Ivan Ljubicic, who clearly believes anything is possible, added, “We’ve created a perfect backhand once. I think we can use the shoulder issue to make the next one even better.”

Federer sprinted to the tour trainer’s office and was diagnosed with Tennis Winner’s Elbow, a degenerative disease, which also took its toll on Pete Sampras’ arm, Novak Djokovic’s elbow, and most recently, Rafa Nadal’s hips – the injury stemmed from vigorous hoisting of La Coupe de Mousquetaires. While these other competitors remain in the game, Fed is calling it quits. “Look, I can’t get my arm up above my head to serve anymore. We’re talking thousands of kilos (pounds for you Yanks) raised again and again for photos, tournament receptions, fans, autographs , A body can only take so much.” When asked to show his pain, Fed lifted his arm two inches and winced, then placed his head into the Norman Brookes Cup and exclaimed, “Can we get a little champagne in here to deaden the pain!”

Shortly after he left his hotel, wife Mirka was seen carrying the Cup on her shoulder. If she can juggle four kids , yes two sets of twins and juggle their lifestyle. The woman can juggle anything!

Outside Laver Arena, a troupe of ball kids is organizing a protest of Federer’s retirement. Signs read, “If he continues to carry the torch, we’ll carry the trophies.” Whether or not Federer can be persuaded remains to be seen.

• Again • All Funny Fake News •

A quote from RF

“The Fairy Tale Continues”