“10s Whenever” Newsletter Vol. 144

Written by: Staff on 4th March 2014

"10s Whenever" Newsletter Vol. 144

epa04023745 Players practice during day four of the Australian Open Grand Slam tennis tournament in Melbourne, Australia, 16 January 2014. Extreme temperatures pushed the organizers to implement the Australian Open Extreme Heat Policy by closing the roofs on Rod Laver Arena and Hisense Arena, and suspending matches on all outside courts. EPA/NARENDRA SHRESTHA |

The Ol’ College Try

Acrimony toward the NCAA continues to grow – they’ve now abolished the third set for the women and made the men’s game no-ad scoring. Ever the contrarian, this time I’m going to side with the organization.

Although we’re now fomenting the obesity epidemic – after all, who needs to be in shape with matches this short – certainly there are parties who will benefit from the abbreviated matches. Umpires’ asses will no longer go numb from sitting in those padded chairs. Spectators can witness an entire match without subjecting themselves to a rolled ankle or caloric overload on their way to the snack bar. College coaches won’t wear themselves out wandering from court to court for endless hours as they try to help their players develop character and fortitude – qualities which will carry them through life – as the kids grind out long three-setters. The medical personnel can save money on muscle relaxants, skip massages, forego fitness training. Hell, one could say the NCAA is a form of Obamacare. Spare the butts, the guts, and destroy their nuts!

Playing too many big points can damage a player’s psyche. Why subject these kids to more stress? College is a trying time, what with the weekend fraternity parties, lack of 9-5 jobs, late morning class schedules, free alcohol, free food, and rampant domestic travel. Clearly, the lessons learned from winning and losing big points can do nothing but hamper the character development of these young athletes. Minimizing the battle will surely enhance the next generation’s confidence and resilience.

Less tennis is great. College players won’t have to spend time navigating long matches where critical thinking and strategic planning take place. Too, with ZERO teenage players currently in the ATP top 200, it couldn’t possibly be beneficial to make college matches tougher to help prepare these kids for the tour. Moreover, young children won’t have see the intense battles when players fight through seven deuces to hold serve or win a break point. Plus, adolescents won’t have to spend as much time absorbing high-level tennis through their eyes anymore.

10,000 hours? Heck no. The internet has reduced the human attention span to that of a rabid hummingbird. We need to get these kids off the courts. If we can get a match done in an hour, we can sprint over to In n’ Out, slam down a burger, order up a Netflix film, go for a quick make-out session in the car, and be done with the day before noon. Nothing like living in the fast lane, baby.

I ’m looking forward to the day when someone reveals the stats about the No-Ad scoring system. Imagine if they find out that big servers tend to win more in that format. We’ll have a whole nation of kids blowing out their shoulders, or parents injecting the youngsters with growth hormone as teenagers pursue the 175-mph serve so they can grab that scholarship.

Ya know, having now thought this through, perhaps the rule changes aren’t such a great idea. Shortening these matches for television seems like it might not be the cutting edge idea the powers that be think it is. After all, the next generation spends most of their time watching the internet, and maybe streaming live college tennis matches online is a better way to go. Let’s innovate using our brains instead of our brawn. Rather than change the game, change the medium.

By A College Tennis Fan, and a Guardian Of The Game

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