If John Isner Were More Like Rhett Butler

Written by: Staff on 17th September 2012

If John Isner Were More Like Rhett Butler |

By Jack Neworth

For fans of American men’s tennis, a not so funny thing happened this past weekend in Spain . The U.S. Davis Cup team, led by John Isner, Sam Querrey and the Bryan brothers, ran into a clay court machine known as Spain ’s Rafael Nadal-less Davis Cup Team.

The words “ Spain ” and “clay” frequently spell trouble and this was no exception. The Spanish team appears so deep it felt like no matter who they sent onto the court the outcome would have been the same. When the U.S. team fell behind 2-0 after the first day the hope of an American comeback was slim and none. (And this weekend slim was out of town.)

In fact, the last time the U.S. rallied from 0-2 to post a Davis Cup triumph, it was 1934. (The same year Bonnie and Clyde were killed as was Baby Face Nelson — great year for American tennis, not so good for bank robbers.)

The Bryan brothers, aka “Killer B’s,” won their doubles match on Saturday and #9 in the world Isner fought hard in both of his matches. In fact he could have won his opening contest against Nicolas Almagro, which went five sets, 6-4, 4-6, 6-4, 3-6, 7-5 in front of 15,000 fans in the beautiful seaside city of Gijon . Spain now faces the Czech Republic on the road in the Davis Cup Final.

The reality for enthusiasts of American men’s tennis is that the U.S. , which has won the most Davis Cups (32 and runners-up 29 times) is not even close to being the dominant country anymore. Spain , on the other hand, won in 2000, 2004, 2008, 2009 and 2011. But perhaps an even more troubling statistic is that it’s been 10 years since an American male has won a Grand Slam event, the longest drought in U.S. history.

Is there any hope on the horizon? To me the immediate future for the U.S. men might be best served (no pun intended) by the aforementioned Isner. But converting John from an also-ran into Grand Slam champion might require a radical approach.

By all accounts, John Isner, 27, (6’9” and known as the “Gentle giant”) is not only a talented tennis player but an even more admirable human being. A Southern gentleman (born in N. Carolina and attended the University of Georgia ) Isner is such a caring person that he worries about the feelings of others more than his own. This may be an ideal trait for Gandhi and Mother Theresa, but not so great for winning Grand Slams. Simply put, Isner, whose hardest on himself, has to be transformed from “woe is me” to “woe to them.”

Rhett Butler is a fictional character in the classic American novel, Gone with the Wind, played by Clark Gable in the movie. Rhett was also a Southerner but a ruthless rogue while the beautiful and spirited heroine was Scarlett O’Hara (Played by Vivian Leigh.) For purposes of this article, think of Scarlett O’Hara as a Grand Slam.

Unscrupulous, Rhett will do anything to hook up with Scarlett, whereas Ashley Wilkes (played by Leslie Howard) is genteel and honorable. In the end Rhett wins Scarlett and mannerly Ashley is left to pound sand. Ergo, John has to exorcize Ashley and replace him with Rhett! But how?

When one thinks of a swaggering American male tennis champion, supremely arrogant, rude bordering on anti-social and obsessed with winning at all costs, who comes to mind? If you go back to the 1950’s, the fiery Pancho Gonzalez was the perfect prototype.

Reportedly, an irate Pancho once took his tennis racket and with a violent, and if I may say so, remarkably effective stroke, managed to decapitate a bewildered chair umpire’s microphone. But sadly, Pancho passed away in 1995 and we only have this and other fond memories to call upon.

Jimmy Connors, for whom Pancho Gonzalez may have been a role model (Pancho, at age 43 beat Jimbo at age19 for the 1971 L.A. Open title) was perfect in his heyday as a paragon of overly aggressive and often obnoxious court behavior. But, unfortunately, the present day Connors is way too mellow to be of help in transforming Isner’s manners from courteous to curt.

No, there is probably only one man for this job and that man is John McEnroe. And I’m not talking about the TV announcing, “elder statesman” McEnroe. I’m referring to the fire-breathing “You can not be serious!” or the “Answer the question, jerk!” McEnroe. I’m convinced that, if motivated, Johnny Mac can still be as rude as ever, especially in the name of a good cause.

What I’m suggesting is that Isner hang out with McEnroe in New York for a few months. Forget the practice court, it’s on the mean streets of Manhattan where McEnroe’s expertise can be of best use.

Imagine if Mac forces Isner to join him all day on a crowded, hot subway in the middle of summer. Witnessing McEnroe handle the teaming masses would be an ideal object lesson in learning the ropes of rudeness.

For geographical variety, McEnroe could bring Isner out to Los Angeles and get stuck in a bumper to bumper rush hour traffic jam. Watching McEnroe honk furiously, wildly weave in and out of traffic, and maybe even use the shoulder of the freeway to escape the bottleneck, could instruct Isner that in life not only do nice guys finish last, they often get there late.

What I’m suggesting is that Isner has the game just not the grouch. Andy Murray hired Ivan Lendl who’s taught him to be calm in championship matches. And that seems to have worked out pretty well. So why couldn’t McEnroe teach Isner how to be ruthless? And it could work. In fact, I can see it now. When Isner’s asked by McEnroe who he’d rather face in a Grand Slam final, Djokovic, Murray or Federer, his surly reply is, ”Frankly John, I don’t give a damn.”

(An avid tennis fan, Jack Neworth writes a humor column every Friday in the Santa Monica Daily Press at www.smdp.com. He is also the co-author of “Men in White”, a screenplay about tennis legend Pancho Gonzalez and his rollercoaster forty-five-year friendship with fellow HOF player Pancho Segura. Jack can be reached at jnsmdp@aol.com )