“This is My Bag Check” Ideas and Top Gun Update

Written by: Staff on 7th November 2011

"This is My Bag Check" Ideas and Top Gun Update

Russia's Maria Kirilenko returns the ball to the Germany's Julia Goerges during their women's singles tennis match at the China Open tennis tournament in Beijing, China on 03 October 2011. EPA/HOW HWEE YOUNG |

Well, Top Gun got rained out this Sunday and I didn’t get to complete my match this early this morning. Saturday I was able to put up a decent showing against a seeded player, winning 6-3 6-2. My shoulder has been holding up well enough to continue playing so I’m happy to be competing again. I honestly haven’t checked the draw for the names of my opponents, I’ve decided to approach this qualifying draw with the intention to go out and do battle against whoever I face. Not much else to report on except that Southern California can actually get pretty chilly when the weather isn’t sunny! Bummer. My next match is Friday, November 11th

On to more interesting ideas. Have you guys ever seen the Tennis Channel’s bag check? I swear when I see some of these, there are moments of comedic genius by some of the players. Maria Kirilenko absolutely steals the show with her Russian sexiness/cuteness that cannot be topped. Which got me thinking, what if they asked Marat Safin to do a bag check? Cigarettes might fall out of his bag? Hahaha Can you imagine? Here are some of ideas of what I would do on camera… First I’d have my rackets, obligatory sponsorship and whatnot… Then the fun would begin. Of course a few women’s panties drop out and say something like, “Woah how’d those get in there?” Haha Then I’d start pulling out string from a reel that would be never-ending. On top of that, all of my grips would be in a bunched up knot. Facial expressions would be key at this point, I’d have to call upon Jon Lovitz for some tips. If it truly was Marat doing this bag check, there would have to be a rubber racket in there for tantrums and stuff, at which point a demonstration of the racket throwing skills would be in order. I’d imagine he’d just fling it over his shoulder and hit some random spectator walking by. Oops! Eventually, I’d run out of the never ending stuff coming out of my bag, I’d huff and puff and lug out a kitchen sink. “You know, if I can’t beat you, I guess I’ll have to throw this at you!” And if that doesn’t work: “When I’m playing like crud, for lack of the better word, I’ll consult my expert coaches…” Cue me bringing out a few books and thumb through some of the pages; titles like How to Play Tennis for Dummies or How to Play Tennis Like A Pro naturally. I may not be able to pull off this comedic masterpiece but I’m thinking someone with a talent for being in front of a camera might be able to make it look natural enough to be taken seriously. You know what I’m talking about when you chuckle at the awkwardness of some of the Tennis Channel bag checks, I swear someone somewhere has to be thinking the same thing I am right about now when it comes to someone coming on and just gagging everyone. I hope it’s me someday…

See you on TV soon and don’t forget to watch for the Champions Series debut on Tennis Channel and local Fox Sports Networks this month,

Shubert