Woz Spices Up Oz

Written by: Staff on 23rd January 2011

Woz Spices Up Oz

Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) |

It takes a lot to rattle the denizens of the press bunker, but our Wozzy has managed it. For the best part of sometime, we hacks have been whingeing that the world No.1 is – how to put this delicately? Well, a little bit dull. But this week Caroline Wozniacki has changed all of that. These days she is big news. In fact, dealing with Wozzy at the moment can be like playing with fire.

You see, after Wozzy heard that she was deemed boring by the press, she decided to spice up her press conferences. Her first attempt two days ago brought giggles and headlines in equal numbers as she poked fun at the media for asking the same, boring old questions and then proceeded to give her views on everything from football to global warming.

Coming back to the press room after reaching the quarter finals, she went one step further. Asked to describe the most exciting thing she had ever done, Wozzy’s eyes lit up. Just the other day, she said, she had been attacked by a kangaroo. At this point, the journos perked up. Pencils were sharpened and notebooks were opened.

“The other day I went to the park and I saw this kangaroo lying there,” Wozniacki began. “If you’ve seen, I’m playing with the thing on my shin here. It was lying there. So I wanted to go over and help it out. As I went over to it, it just started to be aggressive and it actually cut me. So I think that’s pretty exciting. But I learned my lesson and I just started running away.”

“Was it dying?” a hopeful hacked ventured (no doubt planning the back page splash “Tennis ace mauled in roo mercy dash”).

“I thought I was going to be nice and try to help it out because it was just lying there,” Wozzy explained. “I thought maybe it needed some help. I wanted to take it up and maybe bring it somewhere. It wasn’t big. It was a baby. I just wanted to help it out. I found out that I shouldn’t do that.”

By this point Wozzy was warming to her theme. The press corps was lapping up her every word and she had them begging for more. The bandage on her shin was hiding a serious wound and she was keen to describe it.

“It scratched me pretty well,” she said. “That’s why I’m playing with this tape on my shin. I went to the doctor. They cleaned it and everything. They wanted to do a few stitches. I said, There’s no way you’re going to do stitches. I just told them to glue it together. I’m playing with the Steri‑Strips. It’s looking fine. So everyone is happy.”

This fabulous tale of derring-do and physical peril had the hacks running to their laptops as the international agencies pumped out the story to all four corners of the world. The only slight problem was that Wozzy was telling porkies (it’s an abbreviation of pork pies, to rhyme with lies. It’s a London thing). She had no more wrestled a kangaroo than she had tap danced on the moon. What had actually happened was that she had had a blonde moment in the gym and walked straight into a treadmill – hence the Band Aid on her shin – and having a bit of a joke with the Danish press, she had made up the kangaroo story to cover her embarrassment.

So, after months of moaning that she was as dull as ditchwater, the press were presented with a new and interesting Wozzy – and they believed her. We hacks had been hoist by our own petard.

Now, personally, I never carry a petard – not only are they are very difficult to get past airport security, they are likely to cause serious damage with inappropriate hoisting, but that’s just me. But the poor lads on the press wires fell hook, line and sinker for Wozzy’s little joke. And they were not amused. Forced to print retractions and apologies, they growled and grumbled.

Eventually Wozzy tweeted: “Round 2 with the media:) hope you enjoyed my kangaroo story, hope you know i was just kidding:) see you on tuesday for round 3!” but by then it was too late so, four and a half hours later, back she came to face the press again.

“I want to come back, because I just wanted to clarify and say I’m sorry if I’ve caused any harm or made your job a little bit more difficult,” she said, all smiles. “But the kangaroo story, I made it up because it sounded better than what actually happened. I walked into the treadmill.

“I’m sorry if I caused an inconvenience. I really didn’t mean to. I didn’t think you would believe it because I already told the Danish press and they know. I thought it was out there already. So I just wanted to apologise and that’s why I’m here. I’m hoping that the press conferences in the future will still be funny. I promise if I make a joke like this, I’ll make sure to clarify it before I leave. Again, I didn’t think that it was going to spin this way.”

It was very decent of Wozzy to take the blame, but the WTA really should have stepped in. They assumed that everyone thought Wozniacki’s kangaroo story was a joke and so kept quiet and, then, when it became clear that many people had believed every word of the yarn, they let their player take the rap. That was not fair at all.

And the moral of this story? If you see a treadmill, walk around it carefully; if you see a kangaroo, run in the opposite direction and if you see a tall, blonde, Danish tennis player, take everything she says with a pinch of salt.

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Brenton says:

January 25, 2011 at 10:54 am

I thought it was the best thing i’ve heard over the whole tournament!! I was cracking up just listening to it, I did think “where the hell did she go to see a kangaroo?” but it didn’t matter, Our sides where splitting from laughter! This is the Land of the Tall Tale, we all like spinning a good story from time to time!

And when it came to her 2nd presser, far out it was pure Gold!!! I say good on her for having a decent sense of humour that us Aussies can relate to!!

I’m just spewing those media blokes bought the inflatable kangaroo for her before i could get mine to her!!

Good times all round!